All I fucking want to do is watch my Harry Potter DVDs and then this shit happens…
Had a grossly busy day and haven’t really had a chance to process it fully until just now. I was supposed to spend the whole day watching my new Harry Potter DVDs and instead spent most of it sitting in my doctor’s office.
I should have just stayed in my PJs, moved downstairs to the couch and curled up under a blanket to watch…instead I decided to shower (since I didn’t do so yesterday ‘cause I didn’t leave the house) and during that I noticed a fairly large and uncomfortable (like the sensation of a bad bruise) lump in my arm pit. I’m not sure how I missed it before today; it isn’t visible when I tried to look under my arm after feeling it and I guess I managed to push on it with just the right amount of pressure in the shower today (either that or it literally just popped up in the last two days).
“Stupidly” said something to my Mom when I got out, which led to her pulling my arm up and randomly poking around under my arm until I winced (she’s pretty much of the opinion, “28 or not, I birthed that body; so therefore, it belongs to me”), which led to her calling up my doctor and dragging me down to his office.
Basically, the day consisted of sitting around and waiting, watching my doctor hem and haw and poke around under my arms and neck and stomach/intestinal range. Now, tomorrow, I have to go and get a fucking boat load of blood work and a biopsy done.
I hate going to the doctor. Really really hate it. They like being “alarmist” and call it being “cautious”; I call it being “illogical”. I kept pointing out that this is probably a major waste of time and it’s probably just a cyst or something completely stupid like that. Not even my lack of medical insurance was enough to convince him to just give me a prescription for an antibiotic (I figured, I’d take it for a week and then if the lump didn’t go away we could do all the insane testing he wants).
I pretty much almost never got sick as a child until I moved into communal dorm living. Suddenly my tip-top immune system said “fuck you, you ‘only child’ you. Why are there all these people breathing around you?!” Even then, I’d have to be basically on my death bed to get me to go to the health center. Hell, I was on barricade in February (which meant waiting outside all day in snow) with a 102 fever/double ear/sinus infection to see My Chemical Romance and Rise Against on the Black Parade Tour. I’m hardcore; I don’t whine and moan about every little sniffle I get.
Even now, the only time I get sick is this yearly batch of pneumonia - yearly because once you’ve had it you’re susceptible to getting it again (hell, growing up while everyone else would be out of school every few weeks I only seemed to come down with the typical case of strep throat once a year - and for elementary school that’s damn hard).
Now I’ve got my mother freaking out…which is in turn freaking me out. And I’m positive all that it’s going to be is a massive waste of time and money (sort of like when I was 20 and had this 4 month long headache with migraine spikes every 2-3 days - I don’t count my migraines as an “illness” ‘cause medication has never really worked for them and I’ve gotten them since I hit puberty - and my doctor decides to tell my mother outright as his first potential diagosis, “I think it could very well be a brain tumor. We’ll have to do an MRI series”. btw: It wasn’t).
Going to crash now. Will try not to die in my sleep. *eye roll*
