Well…I’m not dead. I’ve just had shit going on like you would not believe. Family shit. Personal health issues. Familial health issues. Every time I turned around it seemed like something else was going on. Essentially, Murphy’s Law threw up all over my life.
I keep telling myself murder is bad. But I’m literally about to blow my top…or possibly my own head off. I just got a ‘lecture’ from a 21 year old pot head that basically boiled down to how much better at life she is then me. And how much better at life all of our cousins are then me. She’s better ‘cause she has a job as a waitress and has money and will be finishing up her nursing degree in the next 3 years. We’ll see how far that nursing degree gets her when she’s getting fired for stealing drugs from the lock-up in the hospital. ‘Cause of course the best job possible for a girl whose been in 4 different rehabs since she was 15 would be ER nurse.
Meanwhile, I’m the only one of my cousins (there are 7 of us total in the ‘first cousins brackett’ - we’re an irish family…we’re even close with 3rd and ‘once removed’ cousins and the whole mess of them) who is not a drug addict, alcoholic or complete social fuck up.
Okay, so I don’t have a job currently - but neither does something like 60% of the country. At least when I did have a job (and when I was getting basically zilch on unemployment) I gave my grandmother around 500 bucks a month to put towards bills and I bought the “staple” groceries weekly, cooked dinner and did chores. The little bitch who lives here would pass out if we asked her to take out the garbage.
Kevin, 28, dropped out of Fordham University (where he had a full scholarship ‘cause he’s scary, scary smart) because he didn’t get along with his roommate. But that’s ‘okay’ because Kevin has “social anxiety issues”. He finally finished college last year and they were all so proud of him because he paid for it himself (by working at JFK for the transport authority where the most interaction he has with people is to check their license against the name on the ticket) and is now going to take the LSATs and go to law school. The “kid” (3 months older then me) can’t handle high stress situations/people yelling at him but he’s going to go to law school.
Caitlin, 24, (Kevin’s also scary smart but could care less about school sister) works at Starbucks and has dropped out of 3 different colleges ‘cause she’s still “finding herself”. She lives off of her friends/whatever boyfriend at the time/parents when she feels like checking in with them (even though she technically lives there). Enjoys cocaine, and god knows what else, in her “spare time”. Had two abortions before she graduated from high school. Among other lovely, lovely things.
And the set of siblings that define the words “narcissistic” and “delusional”:
Kristine, 21, bitch lives here and is on her last legs of life as far as my sanity is concerned.
Timmy, 23, is the only one who had a semi-intelligent thought in his head. He got the fuck away from these people for college (went down to Virginia) BUT he went to some psycho-christian college and somehow turned from a fun, occasionally liked to party 18 year old to a straight-laced, married a month after college graduation (without a pregnancy - they got demerits if they held hands on campus) and is a religion teacher…still in Virginia…and doesn’t really talk to anyone except his mother (who is a raving bitch).
Sean, 18, is going to use his father to get into a union and work for NYC when he graduates in June. No college for him. Pretty much ignores my existence (and my Mother’s) because his mother somehow brainwashed him into thinking we are “fuck ups” who “will ruin his life by association.” Therefore, he’s turned from a sweet kid into a nasty prick. (Note: my Mother is his god mother).
James, 16, just got arrested for smoking weed behind his high school…and somehow didn’t get his probation (due to kicking his mother’s door in). His probation was due to kicking his mother’s door in and getting the cops called on him when he was in a fight with her over the fact that he smokes pot. He moved into Queens with his Dad. He spent the last 8 months pointing out that he “didn’t get in trouble FOR weed…so he can still smoke it” whenever I tried to explain to him that he’s going to fuck up his future. And now that he’s actually gotten in trouble for it he still didn’t actually get in trouble for it. The only reason I even try with him is because he’s the ONLY one of them that I still think might actually love me. I still get his from him like he’s a toddler and the whole deal.
Blah. Needed to rant. Hopefully now that my arm is in one piece again I can actually not drop off the face of the earth once more.
